Yesterday saw us on another trip to the doctors. When I got married and moved I had to change doctors. I didn't really want to because I don't like doctors much (well going to the doctors, I guess doctors themselves are ok). I had just got used to the doctors I was at, and didn't like the thought of getting used to another one. However I'm really glad I did have to change, because our new doctor is fab. At my old doctors I would go to them, describe what was wrong, and they would diagnose and prescribe as appropriate. But it turned out that all of the things I was going to them with were all symptoms of CFS, but the doctor wasn't putting them all together. As soon as I went to the new doctors and he saw from the old ones all the things I had seen the doctor about recently he put it all together and diagnosed CFS. This meant that I could then access the CFS service in Derby, which has helped no end. He is also clued up about CFS and when I go and see him he knows if things I am going with are CFS related, or something else. However when we went to see him yesterday he upset me. It is probably a silly to get upset up, but he gave me a sick note for 6 weeks, not for 12 weeks as per usual. Now I think he did this because he can see that I am slowly getting better, and wanted to be able to reassess in six weeks time. However it upset me. I think it was because it felt like he thought I should be finding work. He has always been the person that has understood, that has known that not working is the best thing to do for me to re-cooperate. At no point did he say I should be working, just that he would write the note for 6 weeks, but it really got me down. I do want to be working, I truly do, but more than that I want to be well. And I don't want to work at the expense of my health. I also have no idea what work I could go into. I have no job to make a phased return into, and I can't just jump in the deep, I need it to be phased. Without the sick note I can't claim benefits. This is the only form of income I bring in. I know I don't work for it, but I can claim it because I did work and pay my taxes/NI. And so if I don't get it I bring no income in to the house. It kind of makes me feel like I am a bit useless. The husband doesn't mind this at all. He is much better at trusting God than I am, and trusting that he will provide for us. I need to learn from him. I have rambled a bit here, it probably makes no sense. But I needed to write and share.
