Lists

I am starting to have to live by lists again. In the past I have used lists as a means to a helping improve health, and we are back to using them again. I was finding that I had little motivation to do things during the day. So, being aware that I probably had the energy to do more than I was motivated to do, we resurrected the daily list. The first time we used daily lists the list would contain everything I needed to do that day, eg get dressed, as well as things I could try to do that day, eg wash up. This period of list making sees me more well than last time, so things that I need to do each day don't make it onto the list, just things I need to aim to do or would be nice to do. This is helping me to focus my time and energy and balance physical activities, mental activies and rest. My lovely husband writes the list each morning when he gets up, having first consulted my cleaning list and things to do this week list. He is better at the daily list than me, ifi were to write it most days would contain 'make cake' and 'eat cake' and very little else. I am finding I have a better balance to my day, and more energy to do a bit more.

Today's list.

Snow

We have just had a weekend of highs and lows. On Friday we travelled back to my home town. The husband had a half day from work, but when it started to snow they told him to go and get on the road, so he came home early and instead of our plan to have sme lunch and get going, we just got going. I chucked a load of snacks in a bag, made up some hot and cold drinks and put a big bottle of water in the car. The traffic was great on the way, very little snow fell, the roads were clear. Lovely. We had a game with my dad and his wife, ate some tasty food, and then got back in the car. Oh no we didn't. Oh yes we did! You see, we headed off to the road and roll panto that happens in my home town each year. It was fantastic, probably the best we've seen. The husband told me off a couple of times for laughing too loudly and for too long!

We went back to my father's house for a good nights sleep. Upon waking we helped make and eat a tasty cooked breakfast, made all the better by the presence of my brother, sister in law and nephew. We put on out glad rags and headed to church. Yes I know, church on a Saturday! We were going for one of the few reasons a person goes to church on a Saturday - a wedding! This was the wedding of my much loved uncle. It was a fabulous wedding, different from any other I've been to. My highlights were the personally written vows and the superb jazz version of Amazing Grace. Afterwards we got to chat to lots of people we don't see very often, and were entertained by some very gifted musicians, including my uncle singing the song he sang when we signed the register at our wedding, chosen in part because it is on my mum's favourite album. Cue a few tears from the silly old Doofas.

Post wedding a load of people headed back to my dads, including my cousins and we had much fun, merriment and take away! I absolutely loved this part of the weekend, it felt properly like old times. I've also found recently that I've been feeling a bit more like the old Doofas, more like me, and this time just made me feel more like the Doofas I thought I'd lost.

Another good nights sleep saw us waking in readiness for church. I copped out of the sermon and went and joined my friend who was leading Sunday School. I loved it! I sometimes wonder if I will find children's work as part of my life again. Following this morning I do hope so. We then went for lunch with one of my favourite family's. Snow had started to fall before we got there, so we decided we would eat and leave. This we did, and so started the not so fun part of the weekend.

The roads were horrible. There were several idiot drivers out there. We managed to follow a lorry for quite some time, driving in his tracks. Then a car three in front if us spun on ice, and managed to take out the whole of the front of the car. Thankfully the driver wasn't injured. The driver of a gritting lorry that happened to be there pulled the car into the lay by we were just near. We were shaken. We realised how fortunate that driver was not to be injured, and how fortunate we were it wasn't us. The snow kept falling, the road had disappeared under the covering of snow. Then the lorry we were following turned off. We became the front car in a long line that had been following that lorry. There were no lights over the road, no lights of cars ahead. Just darkness. Darkness and snow. We decided it was not wise to carry on. We value our lives more than getting home. I rang my father who after checking in his computer told us that Kettering was the best place to turn off, only one junction away from where we were. We turned off, made our way into Kettering and on spotting a B and B, parked up in the next road and got our coats and hats on, and picked up our bags. We trudged back down the snowy road to the B and B. A sign on the door told us they had no vacancies. We knocked anyway, and the lady who answered the door confirmed they did have no vacancies, but directed us to the nearest establishment that may have spaces. This was a ten minute walk away. A ten minute walk in normal circumstances. Not a ten minute walk in snow carrying bags. We trudged our way through the snow and thankfully found a place with rooms. The relief was immense. We had a nice room, thankfully had things to eat for tea and breakfast as I had packed so many snacks before we left. We slept better than we thought we would, and in the morning squelched back to the car, glad that the roads were clear, the snow had stopped, and that we could get home. A definate weekend of two halves!

seventh

So I believe the seventh day of the first month of the year to be a traditional time to look back at the year just gone and look forward at the year come, isn't it? And so with my new trying to practice an attitude of gratitude I look back at 2012 with extreme gratitude for those who rejoiced with us in the good times and helped support us as we limped through the trickier times. We had a great first half of the year, and a trickier second half. When I think of 2012 one of my definite highlights was a trip to Great Yarmouth that the husband and myself took. We were only there for a weekend, we enjoyed the beach, shops, circus and watching some of the Olympics on a small grainy TV. We had a great weekend, but it is a highlight of mine because it came at a time when we greatly needed a break, a bit of time of away from normal life to be able to get some perspective on what we were dealing with at the time. However at that time we couldn't afford a break. I am extremely grateful to the husbands parents, my dad and some kind friends who between them paid for somewhere to stay, petrol and gave some money for us to have a meal out/do fun things with. We needed it. We couldn't manage it alone. But with the support of those who love us we managed it.

We couldn't manage it alone. This is a sentence I could write about much of what seems to have happened in the last six or so months. Thankfully we didn't have to manage alone. We have had many of those we love to walk this journey with. Things are a lot better than they were in late Sept/early Oct when I was unsure if I would ever be me again, when I wasn't sure I could handle life any more. There is still a bit of work to be done. Much of it will be done by focusing on all I have to be grateful for, and by stopping wallowing around bemoaning what I wished I did have. An attitude of gratitude. I am determined that this year will be a year filled with gratitude. Gratitude and nail varnish. Well every girl needs as much sparkle as she get in her life!