normal

I think that there are times when we find it hard to cope with the not normal in life because of the expectation we have about what normal is. I have had the privilege over the course of my life of meeting and getting to know many different kinds of people. From those people I can't define what a 'normal' person is. There is no such thing. And yet when someone is not what is perceived to be normal that person, or their family, struggle to deal with their life, and how they fit in the world. A lot of my low moments have come when I mourn normal life and being normal. But that is by societies definition of normal, which has also become what I view as being normal. It involves being able to go to work, do housework regularly, cooking meals most days, socialise regularly etc etc. If I try to view my life now, and how I am now as my current normal, my acceptable way to live for me, it causes me less stress. If I can redefine my normal and not worry about I feel others expect of me it helps me to feel better because I am more accepting of who I am, who the illness has made me.

I started to think about this following a conversation with a friend whose child has extra learning needs (I think that is the correct term). A lot of their frustration with their child and how they function in society is because they are not normal. They do not function as a normal child does. However who they are, what they achieve day to day is normal for them. Whether they managed to sit on the carpet at school for story time, or ran round the classroom pretending to be pony (that is if they even made it to school), is normal for them. And yet because it is not normal for most people it is frowned upon. We are told that children should be able to sit still and listen to a story. So the child that kind is said to be showing non-normal behaviour that needs to be challenged and changed. (As a slight aside, typing that last sentence has made me wonder whether when children are described as having 'challenging behaviour', it means that their behaviour is challenging to those who care for them, or the behaviour needs to be challenged by those who care for them to make them become more normal.) If we start at the point that the person is normal and how they function is acceptable then how we care for them changes, rather than expecting them to become the normal that society expects of them and forcing (or encouraging) them to do things that are too far outside of their normal. I realise that if behaviour is damaging to the person or others it needs to be challenged, but if it is just who that person is, does it need to be challenged? Can they not just be allowed to be who they are and function as they are?