why

I started this blog after reading a blog that Keith, who I went to school with, had started. He also has ME and I realised through reading what he was writing that it might help me if I can chart how I feel and what I'm doing. This might mean that reading this is quite dull for most people, but I'm hoping it will help me.

I feel it is partly my own fault that I have CFS. In June 2009 I got Glandular Fever. I had a week off work, and then returned. I was working with children in a variety of schools, and so I didn't return to the schools I just returned to office work and making sure that everything in the schools was covered. I carried on working until the summer holidays, even returning to do some bits and pieces in schools. As the summer holidays arrived I realised that keeping going was doing me no good, so I went to see the doctor, who signed me off. I was off for four weeks, and then off part time for a following six weeks. In all fairness I probably should have been off for longer, but I was the sole employee of the charity I worked for. I knew that if I was not there doing the work, planning assemblies, clubs etc then they wouldn't get done. So I decided to return part time to make sure the work continued. In September I was joined by a full time volunteer student worker. This meant that I felt I had to make even more of an effort to be at work and to be functioning fully. And so I pushed myself to keep going, to make sure that all things at work kept going. Because of this I never became fully well again from the GF, and have ended up now dealing with CFS and depression. You would think that I would have learnt from that, but no it turns out that I am still learning my lesson about resting enough and not pushing myself.